


the river stays there (the water is what has gone)

by actualflower



Series: character studies: mortality and bonds. [8]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: B-B-B-B-B-BONUS ROUND, F/F, HERE IT IS Y'ALL, M/M, but it happened anyway, did not plan to do this, ergo, the surprise bonus round no one asked for but i did anyway bc fuck it, warnings for each chapter listed at the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-07-29 05:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7671208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualflower/pseuds/actualflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a study in three parts: allura, gilmore, cassandra.</p><p>title translated from <i>Evaporar</i> by Little Joy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. it's everything sacred (it's that slow-moving dream)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> allura vysoren: arcanist, dragon-exiler, and always, always in love.
> 
> warnings for: mild violence, implied NSFW, and a touch of angst. ~~who am i kidding there's angst in everything i write lmao~~

allura can feel herself pitch forward, but she does nothing to stop it - exhaustion settles deep in her bones, along with, finally, a vicious feeling of victory. kima catches her before she falls, her metal armor uncomfortable to rest on, but allura would be nowhere else. allura leans up and places a weak kiss on kima’s lips.

“we did it,” she whispers, finality and fatigue in her voice.

“we did it,” kima confirms, and holds allura close as they both fall to their knees in the dirt, their arms clutched around one another.

 _thordak is gone_ , she thinks, and decides to think of nothing except the halfling in her arms.

* * *

 

allura returns to her tower a day later, thanks to the kindness of a druid and their marvelous tree-transport spell. she presses her palm against the rough-hewn white brick of the spire, and feels the magic thrum, and feels it calling her home, even as she steps away to open the door.

kima comes with her, if only to use the teleportation circle in the castle to get back to vasselheim a touch faster. allura laughs, even as she drags the halfling inside and shows her just how grateful she is for her company.

kima leaves for vasselheim three days later, laden with a thousand kisses and a few interesting new bruises on her collarbone.

* * *

 

 

kima turns back to allura, face set stubbornly in what can only be called her ‘i’m going to get my way, and you cannot stop me’ face. “you know this is what i’m meant to do, allura.”

allura turns back to the window, her nightgown fluttering behind her. “you were going to leave in the middle of the night, kima. what else am i supposed to feel?”

kima’s expression softens, her mouth opening, but she closes it before she speaks. instead, she reaches out a hand to grip allura’s own. allura does not fight it, even as kima pulls her down to her level and gently places her other hand on her cheek. allura nuzzles into the touch, placing a kiss on kima’s palm.

“...maybe not the best decision on my part, i’ll admit, but-” kima closes her eyes and sighs, a long, deep exhale. “you were always the brains of this operation, ‘lura.”

allura smiles. “i know.”

“hey now, don’t get all uppity on me; i swear, one compliment and your ego inflates to all hell.” fake hurt colors kima’s voice, and she chuckles before pulling allura closer and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.

allura savors it, this point of contact, before she pulls away. she watches as the shroud descends once again, and kima looks at her with steel in her eyes.

“i will come back. i swear it, in front of bahamut and all gods - i will come _back_ for you, allura.” there is fire in her words, and allura smiles.

“i know. at least let me give you something for the trip, love.”

when kima leaves, she is laden with every potion allura thinks she might need and a few she doesn’t, along with a lovebite on her neck that won’t fade until allura sees her again, just underneath the collar of her armor.

* * *

allura doesn’t see her again for three months. after that, she decides to take matters into her own hands. luckily, a band of adventurers has caught her eye.

 _vox machina, huh._ she eyes them each. _they’ll do._

* * *

kima arrives, battered and bloody, with a limp she didn’t have before and a sheepish smile on her face like she was just a few minutes late for dinner, instead of a few months late from her own personal war. allura is stock-still in the doorway, the plate in her hands clutched in a white-knuckled grip.

a beat passes, two, three, then - “did you find what you were looking for?”

kima nods.

allura sighs, sets down the plate in her hands, and flings her arms around kima. they both sink to their knees. allura is shaking, silent tears rolling tracks down her cheeks, and she can feel kima’s fingers in her hair, brown digits winding in the soft blonde strands, pulling them from their braid, but she doesn’t mind, because kima is here and safe and warm in her arms-

“it’s alright, allura.” kima’s voice is whisper-soft. “it’s alright.”

allura says nothing. her fingers find the collar of kima’s armor, and she pulls the plate far enough from her body to just barely see a red mark on her neck, still looking just as fresh as when she put it there, like a rose newly bloomed.

allura pulls kima close again, and silently promises herself this: _i’m never letting you go again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lovely, lovely, lovely ladies. i adore kima and allura, you guys. this was so good to write. i hope you enjoy it even a fraction as much as i enjoyed writing it <3
> 
> anyway: MORE LADY LOVE Y'ALL IT'S LIT
> 
> chapter title from Life is Beautiful by Willy Tea Taylor.
> 
> talk 2 me abt lady wizards and lady paladins @ [ppepperbox.tumblr.com!](http://ppepperbox.tumblr.com)


	2. i'm still here (remember me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cassandra de rolo: noble, sister, and always, always a survivor.
> 
> warnings: emotional manipulation, kidnapping(?), almost-character-death, canon-typical violence, nightmares, PTSD.

cassandra shakes where she sits, perched like a doll, on the briarwoods’ bed with lady delilah behind her. a fine-toothed silver comb brushes through her hair, wielded by the lady herself, while delilah hums a song that cassandra faintly remembers her own mother singing to her, late at night when she couldn’t sleep.

“so beautiful, darling,” she sighs, and passes the comb to cassandra over her shoulder before she begins braiding the long chesnut-brown strands.

“thank you, my lady.” she bites out, and stares numbly at the wall. this is routine. this is her life. there is nothing else. her brother left her to die, and the rest of her family is already dead. there is nothing else but this.

still, she prays to pelor, even as lady delilah’s cold hands settle on her shoulders and bid her to turn and hug her: _tell me you have not gone, too. tell me that, at least._

* * *

_she can see the light at the end of the tunnel, her brother’s frame silhouetted in stark relief, and she wills her legs to keep moving, keep running, even as she feels them falter. her brother’s gasp and yell, the way his voice breaks as he shouts “cassie!” even as she feels the mosquito-sting of the arrow, and the blooming pain that follows, a rose of fire in her shoulder and spine, and then another, and another. percival stares with tears in his eyes, and just before her eyes shut, just before her breath leaves her for the last time, she whispers: “go.”_

_she hears him run, and he doesn’t look back, and something in her twinges even as she smiles -_

she gasps, bolting upright and scattering the covers around her - or, she would if she hadn’t already kicked them off in her sleep. there’s already an insistent knocking at her door, a familiar, insidious voice calling out, “dear, cassie, are you alright? i heard screaming - i’m coming in, so i hope you’re decent-”

cassandra doesn’t even have time to let the wave of revulsion at the nickname roll over her before lady delilah is opening the door, her husband following behind her. she must notice her disheveled state immediately, because she falls into faux-motherly theatrics as soon as she steps in the room. she pets at cassandra’s hair, smoothes it away from her face, and cassandra is too weak to not lean into the touches. it has been years since that night, and the fight in her is waning, everyday.

silas rests silently against the doorframe, an inscrutable look on his face even as he emanates a mildly pleased mood. delilah pulls cassandra closer, whispering to her little platitudes. “dearest, would you like me to do the charm? let you sleep properly?”

cassandra knows that’s not all the charm does, and that she truly has little choice in the matter, but - she nods anyway. at least this way she’ll be able to rest. delilah smiles, like she made the right decision. the woman presses her cold lips to cassandra’s forehead, and she gently drifts into a dreamless sleep, just barely hearing delilah’s whisper of “our dearest pet. so good to us, aren’t you?”

 _of course i am,_ she thinks, and then thinks of nothing at all.

* * *

 

percy arrives, like she always knew he would.

he builds a revolution. he fights like he’s from the nine hells. he holds her hands like she’s elysium.

cassandra feels her brother’s calloused fingers slip into her own, and finally, finally feels free.

* * *

 

it’s been a week since her brother returned. a week since the briarwoods had been slain. a week since she felt the last fledgeling strands of whatever enchantment that had held her mind captive slip like riverwater from her thoughts as lady briarwood was murdered.

cassandra sits on the balcony with a blanket around her shoulders and slippers on her feet and a flimsy nightgown protecting her from the wind. she feels the cold mountain air fill her lungs as the sun rises over the crest of those frosted peaks, and her hands steady around her morning tea. she hasn’t slept in several days, but it’s nothing new. she’s not used to going to sleep without magical aid, anymore. and whatever minutes she steals aren’t very restful at all.

another deep breath. she will live. her brother has returned home. _the last of the de rolos,_ she thinks, and sips the hot liquid in her hands. she feels the warmth travel the path of her throat, all the way down to her stomach, and lets it warm her as best she can.

she spends another few minutes in her favorite spot on the balcony, looking out over the city and the forest and the mountains. eventually, she must rise. there are meetings to arrange, a council to consider, the needs of the people must be met -

 _eventually._ she sips her tea again and watches the sun rise instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you crying? because i'm crying. i'm crying a lot. cassandra johanna von musel klossowski de rolo, you deserve the world. instead, you have a dead family and a brother you barely recognize and a city that looks to you, you who were a slave to vampires for so, so long, for guidance. good luck, my love. <3
> 
> chapter title from Emily by Girlpool.
> 
> talk 2 me abt girls with steel in their hearts @ [ppepperbox.tumblr.com!](http://ppepperbox.tumblr.com)


	3. drinking red (but bleeding only blue wine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shaun gilmore: wizard, lover, and always, always too far gone.
> 
> warnings: injury, canon-typical violence.

shaun gilmore uses the back of one perfectly manicured hand to wipe the sweat from his brow. the kohl that lines his eyes is smudged, and a strand of hair has matted itself to the side of his face after escaping the careful braid it’d been tied into - in short, he is a mess. but there is a smile on his face, and when he looks at sherri, she’s smiling, too. they set the last of the boxes inside, and set to work unpacking.

when it’s done, and everything inside is arranged to perfection (as per shaun’s standards), they step outside to put the finishing touches on the new store. the people of emon spare them a glance, but not more - it’s not uncommon to see new shopkeeps setting up their stores.

they finish hanging the sign together: in beautiful golden lettering on cherry oak, it reads _gilmore’s glorious goods._

sherri heads back inside while shaun fidgets with the sign, saying something about ‘a hard earned rest, gods above, you should think about sleeping, too’, but shaun doesn’t think he’ll ever get over this feeling of finally, finally being at home.

he’s shameless about his flirting. sherri tells him as much on a very regular basis, muttering things about propriety and proper behavior, but she always does it with a smile on her face, so she can’t be too annoyed.

* * *

 he watches the purple fabric, hung so lovingly and with such care, burn to ash without much regret - well, no, there is regret, but right now there’s also what feels like fire on his side and he just knows his hand is a bloody mess, along with most of his clothing, but sherri and saldora and the children still need him, so he keeps going.

he can see, but not feel, sherri’s tears fall onto the already-damp silk of his robes as she sets him to lay on the floor of the safe-room, urging him to ‘stay alive, you fucking bastard, don’t you dare-’

but the rest is lost as his eyes slip closed, and he sees dragons behind his eyelids, and, soon, nothing.

he wakes to vax cradling him, and the fire in his side is replaced by an ache in his chest for this beautiful, beautiful man.

“gilmore,” he breathes, and it takes everything in him not to let his eyes slip closed and pretend that everything might be okay, just like this, forever. still, the moment is good. he’ll take what he can, and not ask a cent more.

* * *

whitestone is cold. it’s a chill that doesn’t leave him, and he supposes that probably has something to do with his status as still healing from a potentially fatal wound, so he makes sure that there’s always enough firewood in the little house they’ve allowed him to stay in.

even so, he spends most of his days in deep conversation with allura, eskil, zahra, all of them doing their damnedest to figure how the hell they're supposed to survive in the face of - this. of dragons and artifacts and death lingering in every doorway. he feels more and more drained with every day, but shaun knows that if he stops, they die. plain and simple. sherri tends to him, cleaning his rooms and bringing him food and tea, and her eyes become more and more sad every time she sees him.

"you've earned a rest, shaun." she puts a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at her with a tired smile.

"oh, i know," he says breezily, one hand waving in the air. "it's a shame these dragons don't."

sherri says nothing. her lips press into a thin line, and she just shoves the tea tray at him with a little more force.

"alright, alright," he acquiesces, and they sit and have tea and it almost feels like the world isn't falling apart around them. and if gilmore falls asleep in the middle of it all, too much work and not enough rest catching up with him, well - sherri's not going to say anything. just put his cup back on the tray and wrap a blanket around his (weak, sallow, frail) shoulders and let him rest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAD WIZARD TIMES HOOOO BOY
> 
> listen i... Love gilmore alright. i love him. with the passion of a thousand firey suns. i love him. and i will never stop. i was so sad making my wizard son sad i just im so sorry but i hope you liked it anyway??? at least a little?? i'll be over here crying so.
> 
> chapter title from Blue Wine by NAO.
> 
> talk 2 me about gay wizards @ [ppepperbox.tumblr.com!](http://ppepperbox.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for joining me on this (frankly, ridiculous) journey! i've had a bunch of fun writing all of these and seeing everyone's support and love for me and this series and critrole in general! rest assured, this will not be the last you see of my writing in this fandom (hopefully)!!
> 
> talk 2 me abt adventurers and their friends and family @ [ppepperbox.tumblr.com!](http://ppepperbox.tumblr.com)


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